Just for Fun

What My Mother Taught Me

1.My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .

" If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION."

You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

" If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC."

Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .

" If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

" Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

" Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

" Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

" Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

" You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

" This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .

" I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .

" Stop acting like your father!"

14. My mother taught me about ENVY.

" There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents
like you do."

15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

" Just wait until we get home."

16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .

" You are going to get it when you get home!"

17. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

" If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

18. My mother taught me ESP.

" Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

19. My mother taught me HUMOR.

" When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

" If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

21. My mother taught me GENETICS.

" You're just like your father."

22. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

" Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

23. My mother taught me WISDOM.

" When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

24. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

" One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"